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18. Touch

Something changed lately. I have changed. I don’t remember the exact moment when some irreversible reaction took place within the atoms of my body, but it’s definitely there. I can feel it every waking moment.

It must be the world’s oldest cliche, but I never believed something like this could happen to me. With every person I pass on the street these thoughts go through my mind:  do people really see that I am changed man? Do they have any idea how lucky I feel right now?

Because this is definitely luck. We use different names for it : faith, destiny, luck, providence .. But in the end it’s the same feeling that although cannot be put into words, we try nevertheless.

It’s like all my senses have been amplified a thousand times and each experience, no matter how insignificant, like taking a shower, brushing my teeth or taking the metro , has become surreal. I keep getting these flashbacks, but something is wrong with them. They don’t feel like remembrance, but more like expressions of things I desire. It seems as though the past, present and future have all merged in those moments and I am able to move freely on the scale of time. Like I have never meet her before and, at the same time, like I have known her all my life.

Alas, with each hour that passes I feel my enhanced senses are fading. I feel like a planet that orbits around a powerful star, and that planet just got to the nearest point and now it’s starting again to move away from the sun. My surface still holds the heat, but the warmth it’s slowly going away. Or like waking up from an intense dream: during the first few seconds everything seems so real , your heart is pumping very fast and your brain it’s trying to understand what’s happening, until the veil falls back and you realize it wasn’t real. But this was not a dream, far from it.. it never felt more alive. There’s a part of my mind which keeps on going as if nothing has happened, taking care care of day to day things and ignoring this transformation of mine, and I guess that’s fine, somehow I have to move forward, i have to make it to our next encounter…

There is this one thought that keeps popping up in my head, and it keeps on nagging me, like a small, curly child who keeps asking if he can pet all the animals in the world. What if.. What if I’d never set my gaze upon her eyes ? What if I would have never known the touch of her gold skin, the perfume of her hair, or feel her soft breath in the palm of my hand ?

Sometimes you have to take a chance on something that defies all reason. You have to jump and hope like hell that someone is going to catch you. And she did catch me.

My heart and mind keep coming to the same conclusion after each moment spent with her: I  guess this is how heaven must feel like. She was blessed with a gift that is out of this world, but at the same time, she is more in contact with this world than anyone I know.

And when I collide with her, for the first time in my life, I feel like I found meaning.



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